Kim Jong-il

All the greatest feats of the departed Dear Leader:

Kim Jong-il could make static electricity by rubbing a balloon against a bolt of lightning.

While playing soccer, Kim Jong-il once scored a header on the kick off.   

Kim Jong-il won the North Korea Marathon, which is 262 miles since the decimal point is banded in North Korea.  

The only time Kim Jong-il ever got in baseball out was when he hit a line-drive up the middle and was hit by the ball as he was sliding into second.

Kim Jong-il once bowled a 300 with one tank. 

Not only can Kim Jong-il look directly into the sun, he prefers to. 

Kim Jong-il broke the world record in the triple jump despite jumping backwards on his second jump. Kim Jong Il has 20/20 foresight.

Kim Jong-il once struck out the side on 9 pitches.  The first 8 were balls. 

Kim Jong-il once scored 65 points in a game of catch. 

Kim Jong-il finished second in the Daytona 500 while racing without a car. 

Kim Jong-il beat a bear in an eating contest by consuming 88 hotdogs, 12 pounds of Spaghetti, 16 apple pies, the bear, and the judges. 

Kim Jong-il jumpsoctuple dutch. 

Kim Jong-il swam to the top of Mt. Everest. 

Kim Jong-il once competed in Greco-Roman Wrestling and sacked Rome. 

Kim Jong-il jumped the Grand Canyon on a Unicycle. 

Kim Jong-ilcan type 400 words per minute with an abacus. 

Kim Jong-il won the gold in Olympic weightlifting when he lifted 405.5 kilograms into orbit.

Kim Jong-il won several golds in Skeleton with sheer numbers. 

Kim Jong-ilwon the Pole Vault by stuffing 15,000 Polish citizens into his Vault.

Kim Jong-il routinely double-jumps with his pawns. 

Kim Jong-il went on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”, guessed E, Final Answer each time and won $40 billion.

Kim Jong-il played Tic Tac Dough and won the Dragon. 

Kim Jong-il once recorded 12 sacks in a game of miniature golf.

Kim Jong-il could perform a septuple Lindy. 

Kim Jong-il put a shark in the Figure Four Leglock. 

Kim Jong-il ran the 100 meters in 7.65 seconds, while assisting the wind. 

Kim Jong-il won the World Series of Poker with a hand of: 1 ace of spades, 1 4 of diamonds, 1 wild draw four, 1 get out of jail free card, And a Honus Wagner Rookie card.

Kim Jong-il was such a skilled archer he shot the Adams apple off of his sons’s head. 

Kim Jong-il  made every snowflake in North Korea the same.

Kim Jong-il once caught a train.. With a net. 

Kim Jong-il once stared at the sun for so long that the sun looked away.

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